As we grow we change and learn and that is why i decided to take you with me in self discovery journey so that we can grow together.
In my self discovery journey series i am going to share with you some positive aspects of my life and also some negative ones. This whole journey is all about being open and honest with you guys with the hope of helping someone out there because that it is one of my purpose with this platform.
Today on the blog i am sharing with you self sabotage and 5 easy ways that helped me overcome self sabotage, i know most of you may not be aware of what self sabotage is and today i am highlighting what you need to know when it comes to self sabotage and how to overcome it.
First what is self sabotage ?
Self sabotage is ” when we actively or passively take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals” source : Lisa Jeff.
In few words it is when we subconsciously mess up or try to ruin things that are meant to be good for us ,this can be in your career, normal or relationship aspect of your life.
Self sabotage is one of the toxic traits that can stop you from reaching a lot stuff in life , i realized that i was a victim of self sabotage when i went back into dating last year so today i decided to use my experience to help you overcome self sabotage.
WHAT CAN CAUSE SELF SABOTAGE?
There are so many reasons that can read to self sabotage but the main thing is ” FEAR OF THE CHANGE” which is one of my biggest trigger. Whenever i am about to experience a new change in my life i find myself trying to sabotage it because i am scared that the change may hurt me and i do that as a self defense mechanism, which toxic because this may stop me to experience some incredible things in life that is why i decide to work on it, here are some other cause of self sabotage.
FEAR OF STEPPING OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE
some people are afraid of stepping out and trying new things ( me) and whenever a chance to change arise they run away because they don’t want to face changes, they just want to stay in their comfortable environment. Most of the time that fear of experiencing new things will lead them to self sabotage sometimes they will not even notice that they are sabotaging themselves , they will think it is better that way and run away from the change.
LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE AND FEELING UNWORTHY
When you are not confident in yourself you tend to think you don’t deserve good things, this can happen in any area of your life. Some people also feel like they don’t deserve to be happy , they feel like they are unworthy of being happy and have good things , so whenever a good opportunity rise they self sabotage because they think they are not worthy of the success, they always think they are someone out there who can do it better than them.
For example : in the past i used to struggle a lot with self love, i used to feel so insecure about everything. When i was doing my internship in nursing i wasn’t confident enough in my skills and whenever an opportunity to try or learn a new skill i always recommended someone else to try it first because i felt like i wasn’t good enough, that is self sabotage because i was limiting myself to learn new things.
If you have experienced lost of failure in life most of the time you end up believing that you are not worthy of success and you start sabotaging yourself by always viewing your life in a negative perspective. Some few failures in my life made me think i wasn’t good enough which lead me to self sabotage.
A short story time of how i self sabotaged good experiences :
So i was seeing this guy , he had everything i wanted in a man everything was good but deep in my heart instead of rejoicing i started thinking about how it was going to end because i was used to bad experiences , deep in my heart i started telling myself that it was too good to be true and subconsciously i started ruining the relationship.
I started bringing up fights so that we would break up but we didn’t up because this guy had a very incredible emotional maturity and made me understand that the problem was not him but me, he gave me space to re evaluate myself and as i was talking to a friend she told me that i was sabotaging my relationship due to my past experiences, that i was projecting my past to that guy in order to ruin the relationship , at that moment i didn’t even realize that i was the one being problematic that’s when i realized that self sabotage was a thing and started being more intentional with my actions and working on this toxic trait.
Working on yourself is a process, it is not something you do overnight. Most of the time you fall and it is okay as long as you decide to get up and show up for yourself because in the end you are the one who will benefit lot in that change. Now listen when you decide to work on yourself do it for yourself not people.
HOW TO OVER COME SELF SABOTAGE
We have come to the interesting part of this blog, now that you know what self sabotage is here is how you can overcome it like a champion.
1. IDENTIFY THE TRIGGER
What is the cause of your self sabotage ? Whenever you find yourself trying to sabotage something that is meant to be good for you , ask yourself why ? What get you so scared to the point of self sabotage ?
As i told you in the start of this blog , my trigger is change so whenever i am about to experience a new change i take it easy because i know it may trigger self sabotage, now i am more intentional with every little thing in my life.
journling is a form of self care and therapy for me , this is something i started to do last year everyday because it helped me process some emotions and to know myself better, i also did a blog post about how to practice self care click here to read.
Try this everyday and i bet they are part of yourself you are going to discover and understand better. So while journaling i realized that i self sabotaged a lot in my love life aspect, why ?
During my singleness i worked on myself but forgot to work on my love life i was so comfortable in my single life but whenever i try to date all my past experiences would come back and i would start to compare and that is how i sabotaged everything so i started to journal , write down my emotions and with help of my friend i saw the cause and started working on that. Journaling helps me connect with inner myself so i advice you to do so.
Start journaling and putting down your emotions ,through your emotions you are going to find the real trigger ( what makes you self sabotage).
3.WORK ON YOUR TRIGGER
As you start journaling please be honest with yourself and write every emotion down that is how you will find what triggers you and then you will start working on yourself and the first thing you need to do is started forgiving yourself which lead us to our next step. As i told you it is a process and you need to be kind with yourself.
4. FORGIVE YOURSELF
If you want to overcome self sabotage start by forgiving yourself from past expeirience and give yourself another chance to try. Holding on your past is one of the thing that lead to self sabotage so if you get rid of the past you are going to be able to experience new things. One thing you need to know is that failure shape us but doesn’t define us, so allow yourself to try and fail and keep pushing.
praying is one of the thing that still help me overcome this issue, here is the trick whenever a negative thought occur in your head talk to GOD, pray , read the bible makes sure that you let GOD be the first one you talk to whenever you feel bad. Whenever i see something that may trigger a negative response i pray or read my bible , if i am in a public area where i can’t read my bible in peace i listen to worship songs i always make sure that i connect to GOD first and this is the best thing if you are a christian of course.
Those are the 5 things that are helping me deal with self sabotage and i am going to be honest i am loving the journey of discovering, healing and letting myself be vulernable. Is there anything else you know that can help you get rid of self sabotage ? If so please feel free to let me know in the comment section and please follow me on my social platforms so that you know when i am dropping another post, see you xoxo !